Dow Jones Stock Market Forecast - Tuesday December 18th, 2018

Dow Jones Stock Market Forecast

Dow Jones Performance - Monday December 17th, 2018

Tuesday December 18th, 2018

Tomorrow will be a good day for day trading. Buy on the insiders closing their short positions and then sell when they begin to reload their short positions for another takedown later in the week. Or next week (oh no, not Christmas!).

Ignore The Up/Down Value

It doesn't matter that the Dow Jones lost another 507 points today. In relative terms, this is just a 2% decline in the Big Board index.

Percentage moves are all that matter. In any given trading day. Trading week. Trading month. Trading year.

Where Is That Bear?

Anyone telling you the market has turned from bull to bear is literally giving you bullshit.

A bear market does not even begin until it has dropped a minimum of 20%.

The Dow Jones hit its all-time high October 3rd, 2018 at 26,828.39. In the 50 trading days that have followed, it is now 12% off that all-time high.

Some would argue a bear market would be official when the Dow Jones closes at or below 21,462.71. They would be wrong.

Move That Average!

The medium and long-term moving average indicators used by the big boys on Wall Street are the 50-day, 100-day, and 200-day moving averages.

As you can see, today's market close was right on the 100-day moving average. Normally, the NYSE specialists and Nasdaq market makers will take the market back above the 50-day moving average. Which is just over 25,000 at the moment.

But this isn't about their moves this week. It is in the next several weeks that will be of interest. The 200-day moving average currently sits at 20,674.49. The market must close below the 200-day moving average in order to be in a bear market.

Which is awfully close to 20,000. And the Wall Street insiders will do whatever it takes to make sure the Dow Jones stays above it.

It's a psychological thing.

How Many Prime Devils Does it Take to Control Wall Street?

"Stocks can make moves that seem to defy logic and explanation"

A Demonstration of Strength by Wall Street Prime Devils - December 10th, 2018

The Man Who Sold the World

Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world

America declared it's independence from Great Britain July 4, 1776.

The New York Stock Exchange was created on May 17, 1792.

While Southern Devils were trading black slaves between America and Africa as well as each other, it took the Northern Devils less than sixteen years after the birth of our nation to bring their version of slavery to America.

The Thirteenth Amendment

Read excerpts from The Collective Works of Abraham Lincoln

On December 6, 1865, the 13th amendment abolished slavery in the United States.

The Southern Devils had to give up their version of slavery. For the time being.

The Northern Devils kept their version.

Financial Instruments of Bondage

Trading shares of stock simply introduces just one level of indirection to the concept of slavery. Instead of buying and selling slaves directly, buy and sell shares in the companies the slaves work for.

If you work for a publicly traded company, you are a slave.

If you own shares of stocks either directly or indirectly (IRA, 401k, mutual funds, SPDRs, ETFs, Options, Derivatives, etc, etc, etc) you are a slave owner.

If you work for a publicly traded company and own shares of stocks then you are simultaneously both a slave and slave owner.

This concept is nothing new.

The ancient civilization of Babylon ( 2300 B.C. ) had the exact same concept. There were slave owners. There were slaves. And slaves were permitted to own other slaves.

Hmm, how about that?

If you don't believe me, read the damn book yourself:

The Richest Man in Babylon

Abolish It Now! (Good Luck with That)

If you have any financial transactions with any publicly traded company whatsoever, you are supporting modern-day slavery.

If you are an advertising / marketing / social media company that works with publicly traded companies, you are promoting slavery.

If you are on the investments side of the financial sector (NYSE specialist, Nasdaq market maker, stock broker, investment banker, mutual fund manager, private portfolio manager, etc, etc) then you are the instruments of slavery.

And you thought slavery ended 153 years ago and was limited in scope to just African-Americans brought over on slave ships during the colonization of America.

Friends of Bill Clinton

How many of YOUR friends, acquaintances, co-workers, employees, associates, etc would have to die in non-natural ways before YOU would become a suspect?

How Would You Like to be Bill Clinton’s Friend?

The following is a list of dead people connected with Bill Clinton:

James Mcdougal - Clinton’s convicted Whitewater partner died of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key witness in Ken Starr’s investigation.

Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.

Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock’s Rose Law Firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide.

Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former DNC Chairman. Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the investigation reported that there was a hole in the top of Brown’s skull resembling a gunshot wound. At the time of his death, Brown was being investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors.

C. Victor Raiser II & Montgomery Raiser - Major players in the Clinton fundraising organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992.

Paul Tulley - Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. Described by Clinton as a “Dear friend and trusted advisor”.

Ed Willey - Clinton fundraiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the woods of Virginia of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the Oval Office of the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising events.

Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton’s gubernatorial security team in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park’s son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house.

James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a “Black Book” of people containing names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas.

James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater.

Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson died in May 1994 was found dead in her living room with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she was going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones.

Bill Shelton - Arkansas State Trooper and fiancee of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancee, he was found dead in June 1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his fiancee.

Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton's friend Dan Lassater died by jumping out a window of a till building January 1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor.

Florence Martin - Accountant sub-contractor for the CIA related to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case. Died of three gunshot wounds.

Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. Was pregnant at the time of her death.

Paula Grober - Clinton’s speech interpreter for the deaf from 1978 until her death December 9, 1992. She died in a one car accident.

Danny Casolaro - Investigative reporter. Investigating Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance Authority. He slit his wrists, apparent suicide in the middle of his investigation.

Paul Wilcher - Attorney investigating corruption at Mena Airport with Casolaro and the 1980 “October Surprise” was found dead on a toilet June 22, 1993 in his Washington DC apartment. Had delivered a report to Janet Reno three weeks before his death.

Jon Parnell Walker - Whitewater investigator for Resolution Trust Corp. Jumped to his death from his Arlington, VA apartment balcony August 15, 1993. Was investigating Morgan Guarantee scandal.

Barbara Wise - Commerce Department staffer. Worked closely with Ron Brown and John Huang. Cause of death unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her bruised nude body was found locked in her office at the Department of Commerce.

Charles Meissner - Assistant Secretary of Commerce who gave John Huang special security clearance, died shortly thereafter in a small plane crash.

Dr. Stanley Heard - Chairman of the National Chiropractic Health Care Advisory Committee died with his attorney Steve Dickson in a small plane crash. Dr. Heard, in addition to serving on Clinton’s advisory council, personally treated Clinton’s mother, stepfather, and brother.

Barry Seal - Drug running pilot out of Mena Arkansas, death was no accident.

Johnny Lawhorn Jr. - Mechanic, found a check made out to Clinton in the trunk of a car left in his repair shop. Died when his car hit a utility pole.

Stanley Huggins - Suicide. Investigated Madison Guarantee. His report was never released.

Hershell Friday - Attorney and Clinton fundraiser died March 1, 1994 when his plane exploded.

Kevin Ives & Don Henry - Known as “The boys on the track” case. Reports say the boys may have stumbled upon the Mena Arkansas airport drug operation. Controversial case where initial report of death was due to falling asleep on railroad track. Later reports claim the two boys had been slain before being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died before their testimony could come before a Grand Jury.

The Following Six People Had Information on the Ives/Henry Case

Keith Mcmaskle - Died stabbed 113 times, November 1988.

Gregory Collins - Died from a gunshot wound January 1989.

Jeff Rhodes - He was shot, mutilated and found burned in a trash dump in April 1989.

James Milan - Found decapitated. Coroner ruled death due to natural causes.

Jordan Kettleson - Was found shot to death in the front seat of his pickup truck in June 1990.

Richard Winters - Was a suspect in the Ives/Henry deaths. Was killed in a setup robbery July 1989.

The Following Clinton Bodyguards are Dead

Major William S. Barkley Jr.
Captain Scott J. Reynolds
Sgt. Brian Hanley
Sgt. Tim Sabel
Major General William Robertson
Col. William Densberger
Col. Robert Kelly
Spec. Gary Rhodes
Steve Willis
Robert Williams
Conway Lebleu
Todd Mckeehan

Throw The Fucking Flag! (Part 2)

Must. Control. Game.

Before Roger Goodell and friends adjust their strategy in which penalties to call on the (ahem) visiting team, here is a list of subjective penalties to watch out for during this week's activities and the weeks to follow.

Including the playoffs.

And Super Bowl.

• Blocking Below the Waist
• Illegal Block in the Back
• Chop Block
• Clipping
• Holding
• Horse-collar tackle (some announcer said they were going to "expand" this foul)
• Illegal Batting
• Illegal Contact
• Illegal Formation
• Illegal Forward Pass
• Illegal Hands to the Face
• Illegal Kick
• Illegal Shift
• Substitution Infraction
• Illegal Touching of a Forward Pass
• Illegal Touching of a Free Kick
• Illegal Touching of a Scrimmage Kick
• Illegal Use of Hands
• Ineligible Receiver Downfield
• Intentional Grounding
• Leaping
• Leverage
• Neutral Zone Infraction
• Offside Pass
• Pass Interference
• Personal Foul
• Rough Play
• Roughing the Passer
• Roughing the Kicker
• Roughing the Snapper
• Running into the Kicker
• Sideline Infraction
• Spearing
• Targeting
• Tripping
• Unfair Act
• Unsportsmanlike Conduct

Don't Want Us to Throw a Flag? Fine. We Won't

Just look at a replay of the Sunday night football game on December 2nd, 2018 between the Los Angeles Chargers and Pittsburgh Steelers to understand exactly what I am talking about.

Not calling penalties on completely fucking obvious shit like false starts that result in touchdowns is just as bad as calling bogus penalties on ANY PLAY THAT ACTUALLY GAINS FUCKING YARDS BY THE OFFENSE OF THE VISITING TEAM!

Or.

ANY PLAY THAT ACTUALLY IS A GOOD/GREAT DEFENSIVE PLAY BY THE VISITING TEAM!

Throw Shit on the Home Team Then!

"Throw shit on the home team then!" - Roger Goodell

Throw Shit on the Team Favored By Vegas!

"Throw shit on the team favored by Vegas!" - Roger Goodell

Throw Shit on the Underdog!

"Throw shit on the underdog in Vegas!" - Roger Goodell

Fuck! Throw Shit on Everybody!

"Fuck! Throw shit on everybody!" - Roger Goodell

Did I Make My Point, Bruh?

You can see why Roger Goodell makes $40 million per year.

Let Them Play OL

The National Flag League

The NFL is no longer the National Football League. They are the National Flag League.

Their favorite weapons of choice?

1. Holding
2. Illegal Block in the Back

Did You Ever Play Football, Bruh?

I don't know if any of the refs in the NFL have ever played football. At any level.

Peewee.

Middle School.

High School.

College.

Pro.

But I can promise you one thing. NONE of them have ever played on the offensive line in the NFL before.

Or college.

Throw The Fucking Flag!

"Throw the fucking flag!" - Roger Goodell

Have you ever played in the NFL before, Roger?

Hmm?

How about on the OL?

What is holding?

Honestly I have no fucking idea. I can't remember the last time the television replay actually showed somebody "holding" anyone when the penalty was called.

1. An OL is supposedly able to not only put their hands in between the shoulder pads of a defensive lineman, but they are actually ALLOWED TO FUCKING HOLD onto the jersey in this particular scenario

In last Thursday night's football game between the Tennessee Titans and the Jacksonville Jaguars, I saw two holding penalties called personally by the HEAD REFEREE that replay showed:

1. The Jacksonville OL was BLOCKING the DL from the SIDE. Is it really illegal to block someone from the side? WTF is that? Seriously?
2. I believe another Jacksonville OL was HOLDING onto the DL just like I describe above. And when the ball carrier ran in that direction of said OL/DL, the OL LET GO OF THE DL LIKE HE IS FUCKING SUPPOSED TO. And the HEAD REFEREE CALLED HOLDING AGAIN! A FUCKING LEGAL PLAY THAT IS FUCKING BEING FLAGGED FOR FUCKING TEN YARDS!

It is shit like this that decides NFL football games.

Let Them Play OL

If Roger Goodell really believes MORE holding penalties need to be called in NFL games, and the refs are more than willing to oblige, then let them all strap on the fucking gear:

And have them go up against these motherfuckers:

Then you can tell me, and the rest of the fucking world, what is and is not a holding penalty.

Bend it like Beckham

Gravitational Perturbations

In the summer of 1996, I was in the library one day to conduct research for an English paper. I didn't want to do research for an English paper, though. Not my cup of tea.

So I went over to the science section and found an astronomy magazine. As I was flipping through the magazine, I stopped and read a theory that was published in big, bold white letters stating something to the effect of:

"Gravitational perturbations between the Sun and another star could dislodge a rock floating in the Oort cloud and send it hurtling towards Earth".

If you actually know anything about me, I abhor virtually every theory astrophysicists come up with because they are mind-numbing and have zero basis in reality (sound familiar?). This theory was no different to me because:

1. The theory said it could dislodge "A" rock. Not several rocks. Not a bunch of rocks. How in the hell can one rock out of the effectively infinite number of rocks surrounding the solar system get dislodged and the others not?


2. Ok, let's say "A" rock can get dislodged and head towards the inner solar system. The chances of it actually hitting the Earth are less than zero. That is like saying you can hit Neptune with a BB gun

That is when God stopped me, paused several seconds, and simply said:

"Because they have done it to me before"

How?

That was my question to him. How?

He told me to close my eyes. And then he sketched into my brain exactly how they do it:

Call in the Airstrike

The Godfather radios to the Alpha Centauri Brothers and says, "I want you to help me move this asteroid at these coordinates along this path, synchronized on my mark".

Then they work together synchronously. The Godfather increases his gravitational pull on the target object while simultaneously the Alpha Centauri Brothers decrease their gravitational pull on the target object.

They context switch back and forth, alternating between increasing and decreasing their gravitational pull, in perfect synchronization. As the asteroid picks up speed they context switch faster and faster. Think of it as a steam locomotive accelerating from a standstill.

Finally, when The Godfather has it on the trajectory he wants, he puts the hammer down and lets the Alpha Centauri Brothers perform hyper-context switching to keep the target object in a stabilized path.

So, Uh, The Godfather Needs the Alpha Centauri Brothers to Do This?

I assume that question is rhetorical. The answer is obviously "No".

When The Godfather needs to "make an adjustment", this is what they do for fun to fuck God up. You have to understand they have been floating around in space for 5,000,000,000 years and it gets pretty damn boring.

Now that you understand the stars can manipulate their gravitational pull on celestial objects, naturally then it is easy to see this is how The Godfather built Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars.

The Godfather can take any asteroid within his domain (which is way beyond the orbit of Neptune) and "Bend it like Beckham".

Give him a reason not to.

Oh Tinder how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

I am a divorced male, aged 41 years, with two kids, a house, and a car. I am also an introvert so I can't go to the clubs, bars, churches, grocery stores, or anywhere else and pick up women. Tinder's allure of meeting new people on the Internet was no doubt attractive in the beginning.

My expectation from Tinder is to be able to date women. I met my ex-wife when I was a freshman in high school and we were together, with few exceptions, for twenty-two years until our divorce in January 2012.

Tinder is not a dating (or relationship) app

Tinder is not in the business of selling dates or relationships. Tinder is in the business of selling likes. That's it. Tinder presents you with a picture of somebody and you have two choices: I like it (swipe right) or I don't (swipe left).

If you like somebody and they like you back, then "It's a Match!" and you're off to the dating races.

Or that is what Tinder wants you to think when you start using the app.

If you are an average person like myself, then the number of profiles you swipe right on greatly exceeds the number of matches you actually receive. My estimates would be that I have to swipe right on somewhere between 50 and 100 profiles (if not more) just to receive one match.

The Exploitation of Making Matches

Since Tinder is in the business of selling likes, the last thing Tinder wants to do is actually match people with one another. Because if Tinder matches you with someone, and the two of you go on a date, and it turns into a relationship, Tinder just lost two customers.

Tinder is free to download and if I remember correctly they make it easy to start with your Facebook account. But you are limited to making around 100 right swipes in a 24 hour period which again if you are an average male like me will net you one match if you're lucky.

Consider that by Tinder putting a limit on the number of right swipes you can make in one day that you the user has to be more selective in who you right swipe. This results in profiles you say no to that otherwise you would say yes, and therefore an impossible situation for a match to be made. The only winner here is Tinder.

Honestly I don't remember receiving very many matches at all when I was on Tinder's freebie plan so I wouldn't be surprised if Tinder de-prioritizes your freebie profile in their algorithm that decides when to show it to other Tinder users.

Enter Tinder Plus

Tinder Plus is their way of making money. And of course the business model is built entirely around likes.

Unlimited Right Swipes

Pay up for Tinder Plus and you the user can right swipe as many people as you want. How convenient.

Rewind

If you swipe too fast and realize you swiped the last person incorrectly, you can go back and fix it. This is actually a good feature because you can correct both swipe left and swipe right mistakes.

5 Super Likes a Day

For that "special" someone, you can send them a Super Like. But because Tinder limits the number of "free" Super Likes a day to just five, you fall into the exact same pit of hell as a freebie profile in that you have to be more selective in who you Super Like. Otherwise Tinder will gladly charge you a dollar for each Super Like you want to give out to those special ladies. It's just like being at a strip club except Tinder is the one taking the dollars from you and not the stripper.

Tinder Boost

Skip the line! Be the top profile in your area for 30 minutes to get more matches! You get one of these "free" per week. The only thing I have to say about this feature is what line? Is Tinder the bouncer holding me up from getting into the club?

Passport

Tinder Plus gives you the ability to change the location in which you are swiping. So if you are going to Paris for vacation you can swipe in Paris and see all those beautiful singles just waiting for you to touch down at Charles de Gaulle airport!

No Ads

Every freemium app has ads in its freebie mode and Tinder is no exception.

My Tinder Plus Settings

I find it hilarious that in the My Tinder Plus app settings you can actually turn off all of the above features that you are supposed to get by being a paying Tinder subscriber. Why provide an actual service to your users when you can take their money and give them nothing at all in return?

Prepare for Tinder Gold

So the only innovation Tinder can come up with that will be an ultra-premium feature (you have to pay for Tinder Plus in order to have the privilege to pay for Tinder Gold) is the ability to see exactly who liked your profile without having to like them back and make a match. Guess what this feature is good for? That's right, not making matches. Again, the only winner here is Tinder.

Using Tinder on the Front Line

As a middle-aged divorcee who has used Tinder all around the world, the following is a synopsis of my experiences:

Tinder is one of the worst software applications I have ever used

If you actually set out to intentionally develop the worst piece of software humanly conceivable, you still couldn't make it as bad as Tinder. Consider the following:

Notifications on Android flat out don't work

When I have a new match or a new message, I require a proper notification from Tinder with sound so that I know I have something from Tinder to attend to without having to look at my phone. Tinder used to do this but not reliably and now I don't think Tinder does what it is supposed to do at all.

Because the app is completely unreliable and unstable with respect to notifications, I think the Tinder developers use a random number generator to decide how to handle notifications on your Android phone and they choose from one of the following options:

• Show a notification on the home screen but vibrate the phone instead of playing a sound
• Show a notification on the home screen but don't vibrate the phone or play a sound
• Don't show a notification on the home screen at all, don't vibrate the phone, and don't play a sound

The last option means that I have to open the Tinder app on my phone just to see if I have any new matches or messages. Again, you cannot develop a software application this insane by accident and it plays right into Tinder's hands. If the user is never properly notified of new matches or messages, Tinder is completely useless. And if you cannot ever go on a date or start a relationship, winner: Tinder

Limiting Super Likes Proves Tinder is not a Dating App

This pit of hell has all kinds of problems. When traveling, I can promise you I want to Super Like more than five women in a 24 hour period. And no I'm not paying Tinder a dollar just so I can Super Like someone. If I'm going to do that, I'll take my money to the strip club and get boobs in my face and asses in my lap.

The crux of the issue here is that Tinder has no idea who I really like. Obviously they don't care because it doesn't generate revenue for them, but if they were in fact a dating app this is the kind of thing they exactly would care about. By putting a paywall in front of Super Likes, it generates invalid data on Tinder's servers about who likes whom and who really likes whom. And since Tinder doesn't actually want you to match or date or relate in any way shape or form, they don't give a fuck.

Of course the only argument Tinder can come up with for having Super Likes behind a paywall is to keep users from abusing them. The reasoning is if I could give out unlimited Super Likes, then why would I ever just like anyone, right? The funny thing is that they could easily detect abusers of an Unlimited Super Like system and deal with them in an appropriate fashion that doesn't create a pit of unholy hell for the rest of us.

Tinder Keeps Showing You the Same People Over and Over and Over Again

I cannot tell you how much time I have wasted swiping the same profiles over and over again on Tinder. It is frustrating as fuck because I already swiped right or left on this person once, why the hell am I seeing their profile again?

Of course it breaks your will to live every time you swipe right again and again on someone you like and never get a match. But this "feature" of Tinder enters the realm of cruel and unusual punishment under the following scenarios:

• I match with someone I liked, they subsequently unmatched me, and yet their profile keeps coming up again and again. Pure torture.
• I match with someone I liked, I subsequently unmatched them, and yet their profile keeps coming up again and again. Pure torture.
• My ex-wife has shown up on my profile feed several times. Again pure torture. Tinder needs s Super Dislike option for this scenario but they don't give a shit. And even if they did have a Super Dislike option their backend algorithms would ignore it anyway because they don't give a shit.

People Who Unmatch You Keep Showing Up in your List of Matches

This is a "feature" I have recently observed in the Tinder app where someone unmatches you and yet their profile and any conversation you might have had with them keep randomly showing up in your List of Matches like zombies. It's just like an episode of The Walking Dead except the zombies goes away only when Tinder decides for them to go away.

The Overwhelming Majority of Matches Average Men Interact With Are Bots/Spammers/Phishers/Scammers

I have lost count of how many times I have matched with someone on Tinder only for it to turn out to either be a scripted bot, a scammer, a phisher, or spammer (the number is far greater than real people I have had conversations with). The formula is simple: steal profile photos from hot Tinder women, build a fake profile, and then scam away.

These fake Tinder profiles are all over the world and Tinder doesn't give a shit. Actually I'm sure the fakes are a great source of revenue for Tinder because at the end of the day it is a relatively cheap marketing tool for the fakes to pay for a Tinder Plus account and a couple of successful scams covers the costs of doing their shady business.

Oh and remember, no dates and no relationships means Tinder is the winner.

Men Will Show Up in your Profile Feed

From time to time, Tinder likes to show you other men in your profile feed that is supposed to be exclusively women. And I think just about every time the man has been better looking than me. Tinder wouldn't do this on purpose to tell average males, "See who is getting all the matches instead of you?", would they?

Passport Feature is a Complete Waste of Time and Effort (for the average male)

If you look like Channing Tatum, then I'm sure Passport is a fantastic feature and you have a dozen beautiful ladies waiting for you at the airport when you arrive. But for the average male this feature is completely useless.

Why you ask? Because if you don't look like Channing Tatum, women are only interested in relationships. Why are they only interested in relationships? Because a woman can get a date anywhere, any time, from just about anybody. Women are not interested in just having dates (unless you look like Channing Tatum):

Whenever I match with someone on Tinder while traveling, the conversation always leads to me being a visitor in their town. The majority of the time that is the end of the conversation. Women want a relationship from a man on Tinder (unless you look like Channing Tatum) and they want that relationship to be local.

Again, no dates and no relationships means Tinder is the only winner here.

Tinder Has a Transvestite Infestation

This is not a political rant by any means as I completely support LGBT equality. However, I am completely opposed to transvestites, bisexual men, and cross-dressers showing up in my Tinder feed. I am a straight man who is only interested sexually in women.

Tinder needs to enable LGBT people to identify themselves properly in their profile configuration and then allow other users to specify in their profile configuration if they are even interested in seeing LGBT profiles in their feeds. If that is something you are into by all means go for it. However I don't want any part of it personally when I am trying to use Tinder as a means of finding a date.

Actually, this Tinder problem can be generally applied to other profiles than just LGBT such as people in an open relationship looking for a side piece/third wheel or people that already have a boyfriend/girlfriend and are just looking for friends. For me personally, I am looking for a one-on-one date with a born and bred woman. That's it.

Tinder Doesn't Like it When You Are Picky With Your Likes

Because the only purpose Tinder serves in life is for people to like each other, Tinder looks down upon those who take a selective view of the people in their profile feed. I have noticed that if I dislike many people then Tinder's algorithm will do the following:

• Show me almost exclusively people I don't like
• Show me the "There is no one new around you" message more often

But if I like more people, then Tinder shows me all kinds of profiles that I like. And things get even better once you run out of your five free Super Likes for the day as Tinder loves to show you more women they know you would love to Super Like. So Tinder does keep track of Super Likes at some level, but only enough to fuck with your brain and promptly separate you from your money.

Tinder Boost is a Shady Feature

Honestly I have no idea how Tinder Boost works. But what I can tell you is that I don't get any more matches from doing a Boost than not doing one. In addition to not knowing what the hell it does, Tinder only gives Tinder Plus users one free Boost per week, and if you want more than that you have to pay up. Oh, and for some reason they limit the effectiveness of the Boost to 10x your normal profile display rate, whatever the hell that means. The only thing I understand from all this is less matches, less dates, less relationships, more money for Tinder.

Having Paywalls for Tinder Plus Subscribers is Disingenuous

I completely understand why Tinder wants to gamify certain things like Super Likes and Boosts for revenue generation from freebie accounts. But for someone who pays Tinder good money on a subscription basis, it better be all-inclusive. And it's not. Tinder Plus users still get the run-around on having to pay for Super Likes and Boosts.

Tinder App Usability is Complete Shit

Here is a list of usability problems you will encounter while using the Tinder app on Android:

• Tinder does not take into consideration slow or low-bandwidth users in their application architecture. If you try to use Tinder in one of these scenarios you will feel nothing but physical and mental pain.
• Because I have to manage my Super Likes, sometimes I have to go to the Settings panel and see how many I have left. When I return to the profile feed, the person I wanted to Super Like has magically disappeared and I never see them again!!!!!
• When I am actually perusing someone's Tinder profile and I need to use the buttons along the bottom to like or dislike the person:
• No! You meant to Recommend this Person to your Friends!
• How about viewing one of their Instagram photos instead?
• Or even better, Report This User!!!!!!
• Trying to Swipe Left on somebody? No! Instead you meant to switch the view to see your existing List of Matches!!! (Tinder's way of telling you to swipe right instead of left as if they know what's best for you)
• Open the app and it cannot reach the Tinder servers for some reason? I know, let's log you out of the Tinder app entirely!!! Now you have to go hunting for your Facebook credentials to login again, and yet you cannot re-login because you cannot reach the Tinder servers!!!! Brilliant!!!!
• Traveling in a foreign country? Need to copy the text from a Tinder profile you are interested in so you can run it through Google Translate? Nope!!!! Denied!!!! You shall not pass!!!! Copying the text of Tinder profiles is forbidden!!!!!
• Too often Tinder barfs on something when you are trying to use it to find a date and you get the following error message:

And Oh All Those Great Matches That You Can Never Forget

Some of the greatest hits include:

• Bots
• Fake profiles
• Russians who will call or email you if you just give them your phone number and/or email address
• Bots
• Women who ask men rhetorical questions such as, "So what are you looking for on Tinder?" (A: a God damn date)
• Women who match with you and then never talk with you
• Women who match and then give you excuses on why they cannot meet you in person (coincidentally I am babysitting the entire 30 hours you will be in Copenhagen!)
• Bots
• Cam models that want you to join their live cam feed so you two can finalize the details of a date that will never actually happen
• Transvestites looking for a date from straight men
• Bisexual men looking for a date from straight men
• Fake profiles
• Cross-dressers looking for a date from straight men
• Bots
• Women who are only interested in meeting "The One"
• Women who are not interested in one-night stands, hookups, or friends with benefits (unless you look like Channing Tatum)
• Women who are only out to hustle men for money on Tinder
• Women who want nothing to do with travelers (unless you look like Channing Tatum)
• Bots
• Catfish who look absolutely nothing like their profile pictures in person

In Requiem

At the end of the day, Tinder got me two (count it again...two) dates that actually went well enough for me to a) want to see the person again, and b) have a short-lived relationship with one of those people.

All the hours upon hours spent swiping left, swiping right, managing who gets Super Liked and who doesn't, when to Boost, strategizing when to use Passport while traveling, toying with the max distance and age range settings, not to mention paying Tinder good money to be a Tinder Plus user for over a year, was all for nothing. I am just as single and just as alone as I was before I ever decided to use Tinder.

So your mileage of course will vary from mine. But if you ever find yourself in a similar situation as mine, it is best to do the following:

1. Unmatch Every Single Person

I have 50 matches that I never started conversations with and 56 matches where the conversations went nowhere. Unmatching them all one-by-one was painful but cathartic at the same time. No sense holding onto possibilities that have no future whatsoever.

2. Delete Your Tinder Account

It is not enough just to uninstall Tinder from your phone. You actually have to delete your account manually from within the Tinder app:

• Go to Settings Pane --> Select Settings Gear Icon --> Scroll all the way to the bottom
• Press the Delete Account button at the very bottom
• Tinder doesn't want you to delete your account, so it will ask you if you want to "Pause My Account" instead. Tell Tinder to go fuck themselves and press "Delete My Account"
• Then Tinder will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete your account?" The options I have to choose from are:
• I need a break from Tinder
• I want a fresh start
• I met someone
• Something is broken
• I don't like Tinder (obviously this was my choice)
• Other
• Then Tinder will ask you for feedback. Leave whatever feedback is appropriate for your situation and then press "Submit Feedback & Delete"
• Note this screen is obviously intentionally buggy as the choices I initially checked became unchecked and other options I didn't check suddenly became checked without me doing a single thing. Clearly Tinder sincerely values your feedback as a disgruntled user.
• Then Tinder gives you an overlay window saying "Thanks for the feedback. Are you sure you want to delete your account?" There are warnings about losing all of your data permanently, etc. Press "Delete My Account" again
• Finally, you should get a confirmation message saying "Account Deleted" and you will be logged out of the Tinder app

3. Uninstall Tinder from your phone

The best way to do this is from the Google Play Store:

• Open Google Play
• Press the hamburger in the search bar
• Select My apps & games
• Select the Installed tab
• Scroll down until you find Tinder
• Touch the app to select it
• Press the Uninstall button
• If you are a Tinder Plus subscriber, you will get a message that says "Your active subscriptions will not be cancelled. Do you still want to uninstall?" Select Yes

4. Cancel your Tinder Plus subscription

If you subscribed to Tinder Plus, then deleting your Tinder account and uninstalling Tinder from your phone does not cancel your subscription. If you don't do this step, yes you will still be giving Tinder your hard-earned money:

• Open Google Play
• Press the hamburger in the search bar
• Select Account
• Select Subscriptions
• Find the Tinder subscription and press Cancel
• I got a popup saying, "Cancel subscription? Your subscription will remain active until Dec 20, 2017". Press Cancel Subscription

You should get a small bubble message that says "Subscription cancelled". The Tinder subscription now says it expires on Dec 19, 2017 for me.

Tell Tinder to go fuck themselves and find productive hobbies to do in your lonely, old age. You might even meet somebody worth spending time with this way.