Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day...

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

The FEUture

This is how fucking stupid:
  1. The European parliament is
  2. The European parliament believes its citizens are
Call Center: "Hello, this is XYZ from I'm Not Going to Take Responsibility for What I am About to Tell You, Inc.  How can I help you today?"

Customer: "Yes, I tried posting a meme today to your Open Freedom Access For All - Titanium Platinum Level Member - you know the €1,995/year Concierge tier"

Call Center: "Yes. How can I help you?"

Customer: "Well for some reason my meme was never posted and made public"

Call Center: "Are you familiar with EU Article #13?"

Customer: "Yes I am"

Call Center: "Then I shouldn't have to explain to you that your meme was blocked by our copyright filters as mandated by EU Article #13"

Customer: "But my meme is my own original work of art"

Call Center: "Impossible. Our copyright filters are perfect and can detect even the slightest copyright violation in an otherwise original work"

Customer: "What in the hell did I violate?"

Call Center: "Can you hold on for just a couple minutes while I look into this further?"

Customer: "Yes of course"

Two Minutes Later...

Call Center: "Still there?"

Customer: "Yes"

Call Center: "Ok. Unfortunately our records indicate you violated a copyright of a photo of one of Jean De Paris' paintings"

Customer: "How is that even possible?"

Call Center: "A private global equity hedge fund bought a photo of the painting, copyrighted it, and then the EU fined our I Don't Give a Shit, Inc €1.5 billion in a prior copyright violation case"

Customer: ...

Call Center: "Are you still there?"

Customer: "Which Jean De Paris painting did I violate?"

Call Center: "Anne of Brittany"

Customer: "You mean this one?"

Call Center: "Yes that's the one"

Customer: "Then tell me how the fuck I violated that copyright with this"