Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day...

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

The FEUture

This is how fucking stupid:
  1. The European parliament is
  2. The European parliament believes its citizens are
Call Center: "Hello, this is XYZ from I'm Not Going to Take Responsibility for What I am About to Tell You, Inc.  How can I help you today?"

Customer: "Yes, I tried posting a meme today to your Open Freedom Access For All - Titanium Platinum Level Member - you know the €1,995/year Concierge tier"

Call Center: "Yes. How can I help you?"

Customer: "Well for some reason my meme was never posted and made public"

Call Center: "Are you familiar with EU Article #13?"

Customer: "Yes I am"

Call Center: "Then I shouldn't have to explain to you that your meme was blocked by our copyright filters as mandated by EU Article #13"

Customer: "But my meme is my own original work of art"

Call Center: "Impossible. Our copyright filters are perfect and can detect even the slightest copyright violation in an otherwise original work"

Customer: "What in the hell did I violate?"

Call Center: "Can you hold on for just a couple minutes while I look into this further?"

Customer: "Yes of course"

Two Minutes Later...

Call Center: "Still there?"

Customer: "Yes"

Call Center: "Ok. Unfortunately our records indicate you violated a copyright of a photo of one of Jean De Paris' paintings"

Customer: "How is that even possible?"

Call Center: "A private global equity hedge fund bought a photo of the painting, copyrighted it, and then the EU fined our I Don't Give a Shit, Inc €1.5 billion in a prior copyright violation case"

Customer: ...

Call Center: "Are you still there?"

Customer: "Which Jean De Paris painting did I violate?"

Call Center: "Anne of Brittany"

Customer: "You mean this one?"

Call Center: "Yes that's the one"

Customer: "Then tell me how the fuck I violated that copyright with this"

Friday, January 25, 2019

This is How We Do Business in New Jersey

Want to be a customer of a New Jersey-based business on the Internet?


Call Alan from directly at 732-444-3743 and ask for the "Jersey Special".

Make sure to block his number and report as spam when finished.

Sunday, January 20th 2019

  1. Placed an order in the amount of $718.00 on
  2. Canon EOS M50 with EF-M15-45mm Lens
    Canon EF-M 55-200mm Lens
  3. Had a conversation with Alan from regarding my order
  4. Call Log with Alan from
    • He started the conversation by verifying my order
    • Then he tried selling me a "5-hour battery with charger and lens filters" for a total of $889 (an additional $170 for items I neither ordered nor wanted)
    • After I declined his upsell, he rambled on and slipped in that the camera did not come with a battery or battery charger. His website clearly states the camera kit is NEW:
      • Me: "I thought the camera came with a battery"
      • Alan: "Not at this price point"
    • Alan tried one more time with his upsell. I declined him again:
      • Me: "Just send me what I ordered"
      • Alan: "Ok. We have a 10 day return policy and will charge a 15% restocking fee if returned"

Thursday, January 24th 2019

  • Received package from
    • Never received an email with tracking information like I was told
    • Package did not come with Signature Confirmation like I was told
      • UPS left package without requesting my signature
  • Open package and two boxes inside. So far, so good
  • Contents of package from
  • Canon EOS M50 box is opened with no factory seal. Clearly not new as item description states on website. Closer inspection of Canon box reveals it isn't even the correct box for the item I purchased
  • Wrong Canon EOS M50 box
  • I ordered Canon part #2680C011 and the box is for Canon part #2680C032. Could not find any information about this part # from
  • No Google search results for Canon part #2680C032
  • Inside this box for the wrong Canon part #, I found the following items
    • Canon EOS M50 camera body
    • Battery and battery charger (which Alan stated "Did not come at this price point")
    • Plug for the battery charger
    • User manual
    • Camera strap
  • Missing from box number one
    • Canon EF-M15-45mm Lens
    Contents of box number one
  • This is the SKU found on box number two
  • Box number two SKU
  • Inside box number two is the missing Canon EF-M15-45mm Lens from box number one
  • Missing Canon EF-M15-45mm Lens from box number one
  • Missing from the entire package
    • Canon EF-M55-200mm Lens

Summary of Fraud

SKUs from order confirmation email and package invoice don't match
The summary of fraud committed by Alan from is as follows:
  1. Upsold unwanted items during order verification phone call
  2. Did not provide an email with a tracking number for the order shipment
  3. Did not send package with Signature Confirmation as indicated
  4. Sent an open box (and wrong box) with missing items instead of the product ordered in new condition as indicated from the website
  5. Failed to send the second ordered product at all
  6. Is expecting a return of all items at my expense and thinks he will be able to charge me a 15% restocking fee for his clusterfuck